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| I'm normally not a person to wish harm on anyone else but after
yesterday, I nearly do with physical harm on Chris Martinez.
During parade before the football game I was on one end of a
line. I lost my focus keeping my balence on the curb and fell
behind the line by 2-3 steps (quite alot since we are normally in 4
step spacing). Chris Martinez alerted me to this fact in his
normal, not-very happy tone. I fixed the problem immediately and
said in what I thought was a fairly calm tone, "sorry about
that." He then responded back in a more attacking tone and I
didn't hear what he said but I can tell from the tone that it was not a
"thank you for fixing the problem." I heard later from my
roommate that he continued to talk about me. And not in a
positive light. I don't know if he understand this but I care
what he thinks about me. He is family; band family but still
family. I'm big on family unity and tranquility, including
band. That's why I only "nearly" wish to do physical harm to
Chris Martinez. He is my brother (more accurately cousin) in band
and striking back at him would just cause more ripples in the already
turbulent family of Band.
I only see good things coming from this event though (assuming I can
keep my cool and not strike back physically or emotionally).
Emotional releases are good things because they bring people
together. I feel close to my g/f now because I have now cried in
her arms. This event also made my first visit to the Unitarian
Universalist Church so much more relavent and meaningful. I
was basically crying during the sermon because he was talking about
accepting people who we would normally want to punch in the face.
His example was fred phelps but I found chris martinez a much better
choice for myself.
This whole trupet fiasco has made me think more of another nagging I
have on my mind. It was a dumb thing I said thinking it would be
absurist humor but it was too serious. During HS I was off at a
church retreat and we were doing group activities and one member of the
group, Nate, complained because he felt he was too short to help.
I felt that it was assumed that he was helping and not having him there
would be detremental to the group so I said something along the lines
of "you could go get water" and I knew immediately that it wasn't
funny so I shut up. Later it became apparent that Nate took it very seriously
and I gave a tearful appology. I'm worried that he still hasn't
forgiven me for it. He's probably forgotten about it but still I
fear that he hates me. This is relavant because Nate is a trumpet
along with chris martinez. I'm afraid that by the one mistake I
may have wounded nate so that his image of me is always tainted and he
passed along that impression to his section mates. I'm probably
seeing too much into this but it's what I fear because I don't see a
reason for Chris Martinez to hate me so much.
I have my problems like everyone. well maybe not like everyone
because everyone else doesn't get panic attacks/over-stressing/minor
nervous breakdowns during band. Fairly consitantly too. for
the last 2 years (and now a few this year) I have had these problems
and I still don't know why. So what if I sometimes go off to the
sidelines and cry for a while is that something to hate someone over.
Sometimes I question if Humans are social creatures,
Brad
PS I really don't know why I have to call him chris martinez but chris just doesn't sound right
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| For anyone who doesn't know, I run a review session for Cell
biology. It's basically a practice teaching bit for
undergrads. I really actually like it. It started off scary
but I've grown to enjoy helping students because I can normally explain
they why and how better than I've noticed most people do. It's my
philosophy that the why and how are the most important part of learning
anything. If someone knows how a mitochondria works and why it
works that way I consider them to know more than someone who knows all
of the names for all the protiens and membranes. The first person
doesn't even need to know the name for all I care and they still know
more. That and learning names is easier if you have a reason
behind the name. Well anyways, tonights session was the best yet
because I had prepared enough to be able to give a quick "lecture" over
what organelles do what (and why). I explained the endosymbiotic
theory of eukaryotic development. (bascially that mitochondria
and chloroplasts were bacteria that started living inside of another
bacteria) I'm afraid I went over everything too fast but they did
ask questions for clarification so I assume most of my point got
across. I also made them laugh a bit when I said how good it is
"to be able to make your own friggin food" in reference to
photosynthisis. and I think i shocked one girl a bit when I said
that aerobic respiration was 16 times more effective than
anaerobic. It's always good to get emotional responces out
of one's audience because then they may remember it better. and I
did all of this in about 10 minutes. then there were a few
minutes of explaining extra stuff to a student who came in later and
didn't catch all of my ramblings.
I like teaching,
Brad
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| I'm online and I don't know how. . .
but I'm happy :)
Brad
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| hmm the flip side isn't as good as I thought it would be. . . mostly due to res net.
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| 24 hrs til band camp. . .
Catch you on the flip side,
Brad
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